For Alex
(17 February 2005)

I can’t forget the weeks
That should have been months.
The pain that came too soon.

I can’t forget the sickness in the morning
That sometimes lasted all day.
The shock of hearing you were there.
I thought you my miracle child.

I can’t forget the first ultrasound
My jellybean with a heartbeat.
I watched you grow in black and white.

I can’t forget the tightened skin
Stretched and taut.
Your kicks at first like butterfly flutters.
Growing stronger gathering strength.

I can’t forget the day they told us
‘It’s a Boy!’
And then telling Troy.

I can’t forget being full of hope
That somehow
Things would go our way.

I can’t forget
The hospital appointment
That became a ten day stay.

I can’t forget the fear I felt
The prayers I prayed
The boredom and the tears.

I can’t forget the day
The dream was shattered
Contractions getting stronger.

I can’t forget hearing the news
That it was inevitable
No intervention would be offered.

I can’t forget the pain
In my breaking heart
Knowing you would be left to die.

I can’t forget
Seeing you for the first time
Holding you in my arms and
Realising that our hopes and dreams
Were shattered.

I can’t forget you
My angel child
Taken before your time.

© Megan Warren 10/3/2005

On the 10th of February I went to the hospital for a routine check-up, although there was nothing routine about this day. On examination the doctor found that I was dilated to 1.3cmI had been contracting but they were still quite mild. I was admitted to hospital on strict bed rest and put on medication to curb the contractions.

I was 20 weeks and 5 days. We were told that what we needed was a miracle. The idea was to delay labour for 3-4 weeks, to give the baby the best possible chance of survival.

Things were going well until Thursday 17th of February, despite the medication the contractions became stronger and on examination I was 3-4 cm dilated. Labour could not be delayed and because the baby was under 23 weeks they would not offer any intervention.

At 7.58pm on Thursday 17th of February our son Alex Spencer Warren was stillborn. He weighed 445grams and was 29cm long. Below is a photo that was taken shortly after he was born.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their love, support & prayers during the pregnancy, my hospitalisation and after Alex's birth.

Alex Spencer Warren 

03 Feb - 19 weeks & 5 days 

03 Feb 

20th of January