Monday, January 27, 2003

Friday is Kavyn's 1st birthday/anniversary. I thought that I wanted to write something about that, but now doesn't seem to be the time. Just thinking about him gives me this empty feeling and a heavy heart. It's times like this that I think that it wasn't supposed to be like this. How was it supposed to be? It is anyone's guess how things would have been if this had not happened. Then I think about all the good things that have come of this. I would not have gone back to Uni and I would not have set up the online writing group, or the writing workshop for bereaved parents with SIDS & Kids WA. I would not have found Heather Blakey and the Soul Food Cafe, and a group of wonderful women that frequent the cafe. I probably would not have got help for my depression, and while I'm currently suffering a relapse - I know I don't have to do it on my own.

This year I have strengthened some friendship bonds and to those people (you know who you are) thank you for being there, to all the new friends that I have made - you are welcome to join me on this journey.

Most of all to my husband and my son, thank you for being there through all the ups and downs. I could not have come through it without you both.

I believe that life gives us only what we can handle, the past year has shown me that I have more strength of character and resolve than I ever thought possible. Yes, I would trade it all to have my son back in my arms, I know that this isn't possible, so I will embrace life and live it to the full - well most of the time.

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