For Alex
(17 February 2005)

I can’t forget the weeks
That should have been months.
The pain that came too soon.

I can’t forget the sickness in the morning
That sometimes lasted all day.
The shock of hearing you were there.
I thought you my miracle child.

I can’t forget the first ultrasound
My jellybean with a heartbeat.
I watched you grow in black and white.

I can’t forget the tightened skin
Stretched and taut.
Your kicks at first like butterfly flutters.
Growing stronger gathering strength.

I can’t forget the day they told us
‘It’s a Boy!’
And then telling Troy.

I can’t forget being full of hope
That somehow
Things would go our way.

I can’t forget
The hospital appointment
That became a ten day stay.

I can’t forget the fear I felt
The prayers I prayed
The boredom and the tears.

I can’t forget the day
The dream was shattered
Contractions getting stronger.

I can’t forget hearing the news
That it was inevitable
No intervention would be offered.

I can’t forget the pain
In my breaking heart
Knowing you would be left to die.

I can’t forget
Seeing you for the first time
Holding you in my arms and
Realising that our hopes and dreams
Were shattered.

I can’t forget you
My angel child
Taken before your time.

© Megan Warren 10/3/2005